The System
Early prototype of The System
Pointless rules and instructions about a crudely assembled piece of art.
The So Called Art
The “art work” titled The System created by “artist” Anthony Grant is quite simply a balloon dangling from a piece of string, which is tied to a dowel rod, which is held by a steel bracket, which is fastened to a wood panel with screws, and punctuated by a singular push-pin. We should also mention that the balloon is filled with sage advice that may or may not apply to you at this very moment but will linger—or at best litter the floor of its owner.
The System Edition 1 of 20
The Artists “Statement”
The System is a convoluted commentary on actual real-life systems that we all mindlessly obey and maintain. The fact that you are reading this document is proof that even a reasonably intelligent and relatively good-looking person such as yourself is susceptible to being a part of such a system. If you wanna get all emo-artsy-fartsy about this then let’s say each piece of material used to assemble this piece has some symbolic meaning. The black panel with the red circle symbolizes the universes’ ability to have a gravitational pull on all things in it. The pushpin is everything that we all fear and is inevitable and even though we know it is there and we try our best to avoid it thinking we are running away from it when in fact we are actually running towards it…full-speed ahead. The balloon is the collective “us”... floating aimlessly, injecting toxic chemicals into our bodies, believing in nonsensical stories, being full of faith, being relatively attractive, dancing promiscuously on table tops only to realize we are playing an infinitely small part in an unimaginably massive theatrical performance called Life. We suddenly hear the things others were saying, like “no running with scissors on the playground” or “don’t vote for that idiot—they’ll ruin the country”. We focus less on our ability to be attractive (but we still look good for our age dammit) and more on the things that should matter. Then just as we make our exit we whisper something hella deep like “drinks on you!”...which is confusing and also a weird way to exit stage left but whatever. “But what does the string mean?” you may ask. Quite frankly if you are focused on the string you are completely missing the point. Also how the hell is the balloon supposed to stay put without it—I’m an artist not a magician.
Pointless Rules That Must Be Obeyed
Rules are subject to change due to the whims of the “artist” at any given time without notice to you.
When the balloon pops at Madrone Art Bar you must gather around its remains, toast the bursted balloon by loudly shouting its last words and raising your glasses.
If the loud BANG was not obvious enough please notify the bar staff of what has transpired and hold someone accountable. They are not in any real trouble, they will just be forever known as that guy or gal that caused a minor stir at a bar. The bar staff will kindly care for the balloons’ remains by unceremoniously throwing it in the nearest garbage can and replacing it with another one the following day.
If the balloon pops and no one is obviously at fault, place blame on the nearest persons.
Bar staff, feel free to shake your head or role your eyes at them then carry on.
If any of the “sage advice” should falls into anyones drink, there is no compensation or replacement offered. If a patron asks for a replacement drink refer to rule 3a.
The System can be purchased at the bar by simply saying “Bartender I’ll have The System please.”
As the purchaser of The System you will receive:
For pricing see the section labeled “Pricing of The System” which is in rather large font, you really can’t miss it—remember you are reasonably intelligent…use dem’ brains.
The System - which will either be the very same piece of “art” on the esteemed utility door in space number three at Marone Art Bar OR a similarly reproduced edition.
Four Tanqueray and Tonics that you will obviously share with friends. If you did not come to the bar with friends, give the remaining three drinks to strangers—who will not be obligated to become your “friend”...they will just smile and nod at your stories about cryptocurrency and the weird elbow thing you refuse to see a doctor about.
You may take The System home at the end of the Artvent art show. Don’t be a jerk and ask to take it home tonight—you will ruin the fun for everyone else and that is just rude. Geez.
The one “cool” thing you will be allowed to do as the owner of The System is come into the bar every remaining Artvent night, pop the balloon and disregard all other rules and slyly say to anyone who will listen “you know, I own that thing”. The “artist” can not guarantee anyone will be impressed—again I am not a magician. This may or may not “work” for you.
When all else fails Spike Krouse may intervene and correct the course of all things balloon, popping, or string related.
If The System is damaged or stolen a reasonable resolution will be mutually agreed upon by Spike Krouse and the “artist”.
Pricing of The System
The System is available for the fine price of $5000.
50% or $2,500 will be split with the Madrone Art Bartenders and Security team.
The Bartenders or Security team may choose to decline or use their share in favor of donating to any organization of their choice.
45% or $2,250 will be donated to one or multiple arts or education based organizations of the purchasers choice.
5% or $250 will be given to the artist so he can continue producing more top-notch nonsense.
There will only be 20 of these made unless there is overwhelming demand—which would be insane.
The System you see at Madrone Art Bar is #2 in an edition of 20
The purchaser of The System, edition #2 will be supplied with one years worth of sage advice—or balloons with words in them. These will be replenished by the “artist” shortly after Artvent concludes.
Please notify the “artist” upon purchase of The System by following the “artist” on Instagram @anthony.r.grant
Email addresses will be exchanged.
The aforementioned email will need to be formatted as follows:
Subject: “Hey I’m the person who purchased The System”
Body: “I would like to fulfill my duties as the proud owner of your life-changing piece of art.
An exchange of pleasant emails will ultimately end with you receiving an edition of the art piece along with a years supply of sage advice stuffed into balloons.
Your life will change.
People may or may not be impressed but you will know what you’ve done here and that is enough.
Caring for The System
Let’s be real here—it’s a balloon on a string that may either pop once coming in contact with a push pin or will sadly wither and wrinkle so…pop that thang daily, replace, and repeat.
While The System dictates that the balloons must be popped daily, the artist ain't your momma or any other kind parental figure—you do you but know, if you go on a balloon popping binge you may experience a deep hollowness which the “artist” has warned you about…so please pop once daily. Think of it as a ritual or something.
Please keep the remaining balloons in their supplied bag or container not in plain sight of outsiders. In fact mention noting of The Systems’ pointless rules or instructions. Just brag about how much you paid for a balloon on a string. If they are appalled by your flaunting of seemingly endless resources, feel free to say something like “well I mean the balloon has to be held by something” or “I bought it as an investment” or “I like balloons!”. All are acceptable.